Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The gratuitous-er the better...

   *OK....sometimes gratuitous nudity. Sometimes this page will just be a "resource", if you will, for information of a lascivious and tawdry nature. Basically, I just like a lot of trashy b-movies and enjoy sharing the joys of trash cinema with others. This gives me that opportunity, 'cause hey, it's my damned blog.
   First of all, it's important that you know THERE WILL NEVER BE PORN or LINKS TO PORN on this page. This page is all about the joys of trash cinema and the girls of trash cinema. So yeah, it's a trashy page but it's just good old-fashioned T'n'A. It's like taking your vitamins -- it's good for you. This page aint gonna give yer computer an STD like most other smutty pages will. We're clean --- we've been tested.

   Lastly...the aim here is to present you with films and images of ladies you have probably never heard of (but should have). What's the sense in posting images of Paris Hilton naked? I think even the pope has seen her junk....besides, you'll notice my tastes run more toward 70's film fare 'cause they just understood smut better than we do now. They treated it like art, man...or at least that's what i tell myself.

7/06/2012 - "Pre-code" nudity in film.

   For all the easily accessible sexual material on the internet, the most interesting stuff will always be what's forbidden...and by "forbidden" I mean the stuff that breaks some kind of rule, even if those rules were enforced 60 years ago. For example, there's something titillating about a nearly-nude scene in a 1930's movie -- even though I could see all the nudity in the world with one instant google image search.
   Anyway, "pre-code" (the Hays Code, as it was known, which was instituted in 1934) refers to a time before a set list of rules were in place for what a motion picture could and could not display (and long before the MPAA in 1968 made the rules of conduct even murkier, arbitrary and stupid...which begs the question, if the MPAA deemed the Hays Code outdated 34 years after its inception, wouldn't it be safe to assume the MPAA ratings system is now outed 43 years on??). Call me crazy, but this is better than 99.9% of the smut you can find on the internet (and it's SFW!)


That youtube clip is of Claudette Colbert in what may be one of the earliest "nude" scenes by an American mainstream actress, and it's glorious. Here's another picture just to reinforce how ridiculously hot this woman was:
Someone please bring back this look?

   Of course, if you want to see a "full naughty bits" pre-code actress, you'll never beat Hedy Lamarr in the Czech film "Ecstasy" (which was banned in the US).

Hedy Lamarr was perhaps the first mainstream nude actress ever...and holy crap is she gorgeous.

Holy crap! 1930's nudity!

If you try to tell me this isn't still sexy, you're beyond help.

   Lastly, if you're wondering which mainstream actress appeared nude for the first time "post code" but "pre MPAA", it was Jayne Mansfield in the 1963 film "Promises, Promises". If you're curious, here's an oh-so-barely NSFW clip from the Metacafe site, that as far as I know is clean of any viruses or porn or any of that crap.


   For a very scholarly, detailed and inclusive look at early nudity in film, this website is indispensible (and almost completely SFW...almost)


7/06/2012 - The films of Radley Metzger.

I'll just let the following link do the talking for me. (Don't worry, it's a film journal page, not a porn site and it has no nudity). Suffice to say, Radley Metzger got as close as any human ever has of filming graphic sexuality in a way that was undeniably artful. True story --- (even "real" critics can back up my claims!). Check it out...


7/06/2012 Sylvia Kristel - "Emmanuelle", "Mata Hari"

   If you grew up in the 80's and late-night Skinemax movies were your introduction to the wide world of female nudity, then there's a good chance you stumbled upon Emmanulle, quite possibly the most successful soft-core movie of the 70's (if ever)...and the titular star of this film (no pun intended --- ok, maybe intended) was Sylvia Kristel. Somehow this woman did some really naughty things and still seemed...well, not "innocent", but somehow not porn-star icky.

07/03/2012 Dolly Read: Beyond The Valley of the Dolls

   There's a good chance that some of you have never seen a Russ Meyer film, and that's just un-american. Mr. Meyer grew to fame with such classics as "Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" and the film with today's featured actress, "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" (written by none other than a young Roger Ebert!). His muse was breasts. Honestly --- google Russ Meyer and you'll find pages of large breasted women. You're welcome.

If this is what women looked like in the 60's i need a flux capacitor, stat.

Seriously..where's my flux capacitor??

this photo was taken before Playboy became 90% plastic and 10% photoshop.

7/02/2012 - Leanna Quigley: Return of the Living Dead

   If you haven't seen Return of the Living Dead, then you haven't seen one of the few zombie films that live up to the ridiculous zombie overpopularity. This film (written and directed by Dan O'Bannon, the man who brought you ALIEN) is both satirical and exciting. Without question one of the defining zombie films, even if it was making fun of zombie films, or perhaps because of it.
   Anyway, Leanna Quigley spends half the movie completely naked. That propels this film from awesome to legendary.

7/02/2012 _ The Women of Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me

   I feel like an ass even labelling a David Lynch film as "trashy" or "B-movie", but lots of morons think this movie sucks...which I cannot even begin to wrap my head around. This is perhaps David Lynch's crowning achievement and is a perfect follow-up to the legendary TV series. Yeah, it's "darker" than the TV show, but it's not on broadcast TV. It's a fucking R-Rated movie. It isn't limited by 1989 ABC television censorship standards. Deal with it, it's been 20 years goddamnit. And yeah, it doesn't answer every question presented by the show, but it isn't supposed to. Have you ever seen a David Lynch film before??
   Fuck. I'm getting all worked up and shit over a "controversy" that ended during the first Bush administration.

   Here are the amazing ladies that all appear in one fucking film...and most of them naked.

The world will never know how lucky it is to have this moment captured on film.

This scene (along with the music during it) defined my late-teen years. Some people have the death star trench scene in Star Wars....I have this.

Some people complained that Moira Kelly replaced Laura Flynn Boyle for the movie version of Twin Peaks. Those people are idiots.

7/01/201 - Mathilda May -- star of "Lifeforce"

   You may know director Tobe Hooper from the GREATEST HORROR FILM EVER MADE....and by that I'm referring to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1973 -- not that abomination of a remake) and perhaps as the disputed director of the phenomenal "Poltergeist", but you may not know that he directed a trashy sci-fi vampire movie in 1986 called "Lifeforce". The movie kinda sucks, but a good 45 minutes of it have today's subject walking around full-frontal, so it's actually totally worth watching.

The only reason to watch "Lifeforce" other than an obsessive desire to see every Tobe Hooper film.

6/27/2012: Edwige Fenech
You may know her from such subtley titled films as "Strip Nude For Your Killer" or "A Policewoman on the Porno Squad" or even from her latter-day cameo in "Hostel II". This Italian bombshell is the kind of legendary sexy we see so seldom these days.

They don't make 'em like they used to...

Now, in color!

6/26/2012: Vampyres: The Godfather of lesbian vampire films!
Buy this Blu Ray and an angel gets its wings.

   Much like the current over-saturation of bad Zombie films, lesbian vampire films are also a fairly hot commodity on the b-grade video circuit...but you really only need to own one (or even watch one, for that matter) --- Vampyres, the 1975 cult classic that features wall-to-wall lesbian nudity and buckets of blood --- all shot with a cinematic grace that exploitative genre films have a tendency to lack. You can actually watch this movie from beginning to end! Plus, it's available on Blu Ray from Blue Underground so you can ogle the stylized smut with astonishing clarity.

Anulka was a Playboy Playmate in 1973. That alone adds an extra star to this film's rating.

These two go at it a lot in this film...and sometimes while writhing in blood (if that's yer thing).

There's only one other thing you need...

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